Leonard Nimoy, as Spock in the original Star Trek television series, gives the ‘live long and prosper’ hand salute.
Have you ever wondered what the Vulcan finger equivalent of the bird is? Little known fact (because I made it up): It’s using only the index and middle fingers. (Just as difficult for the digitally challenged as the greeting version, but then again we aren’t Vulcan, some of us.)Historical fodder for conspiracy goats: Winston Churchill occasionally used those fingers to express the victory sign. Was he secretly a Vulcan? It would explain why many people can’t do it; they are the actual humans circulating on Earth. (Pointed ears can be cosmetically altered.)The reason I bring this up is because a judge in the United States recently ruled in favour of a — and I use the term loosely — lady driver who gave a speeding ticket scribbling police officer the bird finger as she drove off. The cop then pulled her over a second time after she expressed her, “God-given right.”The judge claimed that the middle-finger Mama’s rights were violated on three counts:The First Amendment, by cop’retaliating against her protected speech.The Fourth Amendment, because of the unreasonable seizure.The 14th Amendment, for restricting her liberty.(And you wonder why Americans can’t get rid of guns when they can even blow off a traffic ticket.) In my pedestrian opinion, the cop was lucky he wasn’t arrested in violation of other amendments:The Second Amendment: Right to bear arms: She had her shirt sleeves rolled up. (This pun takes about four seconds to get.)The Eighth Amendment: Makes it illegal to give people cruel and unusual fines, in this case an extra ticket for presenting the finger.The Ninth Amendment: If rights are not listed in the Constitution, it does not mean Americans do not have those rights. (Sounds like their version of the notwithstanding clause in Canada.By the way, the States only have 27 amendments, so there is lots of room for changes like:The 28th Amendment: this spot reserved for transgender parking.The 29th Amendment: Don’t let Trump run for a second term.The 30th Amendment: Let Trump run for a second term.Anyway, I think the second most popular off-putting gesture used to be the bulls–t sign, before rappers two-handedly turned it into something I have no clue about. (I don’t even understand the popularity of that monotonous droning they stupidly call music.)And any Trekkie will tell you there is no Vulcan equivalent for the above gesture because there are no cows on the planet Vulcan, although I am told that holding up a pinky finger is highly offensive to the pointy-eared. (Something to do with picking your nose in public.)In the language of gesturing, adults have but a handful. (That pun takes six seconds to get.)
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau gives the thumbs up after he was given a microphone that worked, at a chamber of commerce luncheon, Jan. 25, 2019, in Quebec City.
Jacques Boissinot /
THE CANADIAN PRESS
Teenagers, on the other hand, have tons of sub-culture finger gestures that leave us older folk in the proverbial (everything sounds better when you use the word proverbial) dark. They even have five different ways of showing a peace sign with all different connotations, six if you include, “Waiter, two beers please.”Anyway, my point is this: Next time you are stopped for a traffic violation and think of flashing your middle finger at a law enforcement officer, remember you are not in the United States.I’m done. (Thumbs up.)Related